An extract from God's Triangle, my investigation into what happened to Florence Martha "Florrie" Cox of Melbourne, Australia, after she married the Baptist missionary, the Revd Frank Ernest Paice, who was born in Christchurch, New Zealand, but was brought up in Australia:
Florence Martha “Florrie” Cox (later Paice) 1887-1950
Florrie Cox was
born at home in the Melbourne suburb of Richmond on November 5, 1887, the third
of six children born to Arthur and Amelia Cox. It was a very religious
family—extremely so in the case of some members.
Amelia was very strict, with
church-going, hymns, prayers and reading the bible being the only activities
permitted on Sundays. Even the meals were prepared the day before. There were
complaints in the family about the time Amelia devoted to church activities,
often to the detriment to her perceived responsibilities as a mother and
housewife. It was as though she were acquiring credit points to ensure her
place in Heaven.
I have not been able to learn anything significant about
Florrie’s father, Arthur, as he had died before any of his surviving
descendants were old enough to absorb impressions of him.
Florrie had two
brothers, Arthur and Charles. Her sisters were, in order of birth, Amelia
(known as “Minnie”, perhaps to differentiate her from her mother), Alice and
Lois.
The two brothers could hardly have been less alike. Arthur was my
grandfather and was a forceful, intolerant, humourless, status-conscious,
hypocritical and sometimes-violent man with few friends. His religious fervour
led him into several bouts of insanity that required hospital treatment. During
the Second World War, he was diagnosed with religious mania and dismissed as a
major in the Australian Army after declaring to his men that he was Jesus
Christ’s second-in-command.
By contrast, his younger brother
Charles—universally known as “Charlie”—was a polite and placid businessman who
never forced his views on anyone. He had no interest in religion and attended
church very rarely and only when pushed to do so by his wife. By all accounts,
he was widely liked and admired.
Florrie Cox’s sisters, Minnie and Alice, were
both married with children, while her sister Lois battled tuberculosis
throughout her teenage years before dying when just 22. Little else is known of
the three sisters, nor has it been possible to establish exactly what Florrie
Cox was like in her early years. She was, though, sufficiently religious to
become a Sunday School teacher and later to take on the considerable burdens of
a missionary wife in one of the more arduous and remote postings the Baptist
Church could offer.
Florrie was unusually tall for a woman in that era—about
six feet or 183cms. She became engaged to Frank Paice when she was 24, which
would have been considered rather late. In those days, women who weren’t “fixed
up” to be married by their early twenties were usually fearful of being left
“on the shelf”, and as spinsters, were often viewed as unfulfilled persons.
On
the other hand, men who did not marry would be referred to, often with
affection and respect, as “confirmed bachelors”. The strong possibility that
many of these men were closet homosexuals did not seem to be considered.
In the
light of what we know about Florrie’s mother and other conservative members of
that family, there must have been great joy that she was to be married—and not
just married to anyone, but married to a Man of God and a missionary.
There is
no precise record of when Frank and Florrie were engaged, but the indications
are that it was not long before Frank sailed for India in October, 1912.
Though
society contained pockets of uninhibited licentiousness in the early 1900s,
sexual attitudes for most people—particularly staunch Christians—were very
rigid and oppressive. Married women could expect to have many pregnancies in
their reproductive life, but they would be told little about the “facts of
life”, as sexual knowledge was euphemistically called.
The more liberal-minded
families might offer a newly-married woman a book on “married women’s health”.
These books touched on reproductive matters, but were usually very coy and often
ill-informed. (One such book included the “fact” that the best way to avoid
pregnancies was to engage in conjugal relations midway between the monthly
periods.)
It was widely felt that wives should simply follow the lead of their
husbands in the marital bed, though in the majority of cases, their husbands
were almost as anxious and sexually ignorant as their wives. The only truly
effective form of contraception was abstinence. This was not seen by devout
Christian women as a burden, as it was considered very unladylike to enjoy sex,
or at least to admit to enjoying it.
I remember overhearing elderly female
relatives declaring that it was important for married women to “maintain
Christian standards in the bedroom”. I took this to mean that any sexual
activity should be confined to the so-called “missionary position” with the man
always on top in the traditional manner.
These standards would also require
that any nudity be as discreet as possible. (One of my Cox family aunts once
proudly declared that her husband had never seen her naked.)
The accepted
attitude of married women towards sex—not helped by the fear of yet another
pregnancy—often had a discouraging impact on their husbands. Even in my youth
in the 1950s, it was quite common for married men to scornfully dismiss sex as
“an over-rated indoor sport”.
To avoid being carried away by sexual desires,
courting couples in the early 1900s were normally not allowed to be alone
together until such time as they became engaged. When they went out together on
a date, they would be required to do so with a chaperone.
Keeping this in mind,
Florrie and Frank would have had few opportunities for sexual encounters before
Frank left Australia. Even when Florrie joined him in Calcutta two years later,
she and her fiancé would have been allowed little or no time together. Nor, as
devout Christians, would they have wanted it any other way.
If the social and
sexual climate had been more relaxed—dare I say, enlightened—it is quite
possible that the marriage between Frank and Florrie would never have taken
place. However, given their status in the community and the laws of that time,
breaking off an engagement was almost as difficult as a divorce is today. One
or other of the parties could have sued for “breach of promise”. This was
something not treated lightly by the courts and often ended up with public
humiliation in the newspapers and the payment of financial compensation by the
offending party.
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